Innocence Lost, Freedom Restored

Long ago before I knew, you singled me out, but not just me…
You ensnared my mind without my knowledge…
By the time I knew, the shackles were fastened hard…
Once I knew, I fought back, but in vain…
For years you tormented me, I writhed in pain…
No one knew but me…and I blamed myself…
I hardly remember innocence, such a treasure to cherish…
Ripped apart, my mind has only laboriously recovered…
Still at odds, but the odds are in my favor…
For I now realize your weapon…insecurity…
You trapped me and many others at a young age…
We were not men; we refused the name “boys”…
Without a true identity we felt empowered…for a time…
Afterward, all the more insecure we sank lower…
We could not tell our friends, our families…
What would they say; we let pride get in the way…
For years I bore the burden, I and my brothers…
We cried out to God but barely knew Him when you found us…
We felt our cries were in vain, and doubt destroyed faith…
You drove us mad on the inside…
We could not stop, and we could not bear it…
But neither could we talk about it…
We single you out as our foe, but I know you…
Alone you are nothing…
Your ally is Pride, the age old nemesis…
Until I let pride go, you won every time…
When I let it go, you lost…
Doubt, your other ally, often retrieved the situation for you…
No more, for my God has heard my cries, He knows my heart…
I know the danger in solitude without the Lord…
I know the loneliness that strikes at moments notice…
You struck me as a boy, along with pride, loneliness, and insecurity…
But my God has obliterated your weapons, you are defeated…
My cry now is for others to hear, that they may know there is hope…
Hope, so fair, yet often shattered…not this time…
Faith, small as a mustard seed may move a mountain…
I found my faith, my mustard seed, and you are no mountain…
Victory is the Lord’s; you will not carry the field…
In silence you lurk, and in silence you will gnaw yourself to death…
You have chewed my brothers and I long enough…
Vengeance is not mine; it is the Lord’s…
I asked God to speak to me, to touch my heart and mind…
He has done so, He has freed my heart and mind...
While I cannot change the past…
I know that you will not rule my future…
Lust, go to Hell…


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A personal testimony I hope speaks to many in addition to the ones who've read it already..
by -Bobby E